As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize