okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
