I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
