Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
