You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
