i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
