Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
