sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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