put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
