Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
