sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
