he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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