So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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