how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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