i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
