the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
