Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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