Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
