we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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