having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
