haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
