I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I came so hard my ears popped.
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