when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So much rum. So many feels.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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