Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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