I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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