I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
