then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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