you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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