i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize