Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
