i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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