You don't have asthma, your pregnant
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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