I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this hospital has no fireball
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
