its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We're too hungover to prance.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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