we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
