youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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