The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
