I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize