today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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