i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
