i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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