Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
