its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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