so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
