party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
