she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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