this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
