i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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