Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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