dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
