I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
