sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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