so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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