i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
