I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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