She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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