God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
