I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
