you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
