hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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