I wish you could order shots online.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
