Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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