All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
