He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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