I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize