He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
