I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
