Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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