New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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