I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
