You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
