What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
