video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
