What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
