words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize