If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize