I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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