i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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